Friday, December 11, 2009

5 best worst Christmas gift ideas.

The 5 Best and Worst Christmas gift ideas

Hi-ho. Over the years, I've received many gifts that left something to be desired. I'm not going to name names but one time I got a pack of zit creme. As a teenager, I was lucky to not have a crater face, so I have no idea where the logic behind this gift was. Oh, and another time I got a pair of Hypercolor socks. You know, the clothing brand that changed colour from your body heat. So, if you had a shirt, you'd get these weird stain like marks under your armpits. Great idea! Oh, and I forgot to mention, they were snot green Hypercolor socks. So, after wearing them for a while, they were snot green and vomit yellow Hypercolor socks. Great gift. Thanks. Anyway, here are 5 shitty and 5 awesome gift ideas for you. I'll try to keep the gift ideas unisex. Enjoy....

The 5 worst:
#5 Your picture on a mug

Really? You're seriously going to give me a mug with your mug on it? Now, not only do I have to listen to you all day but I can stare at your face while I relax with a cup of coffee/tea/whiskey.

#4 A Jigsaw puzzle

Oh, great. A jigsaw puzzle. Thanks grandpa. So, basically what you're telling me is that I'm so boring, that you thought a jigsaw puzzle would be a thrilling present for me. Thanks. Next time buy me a bottle of sleeping pills because you obviously think my life is shit.

#3 A paper weight

-Oh, my... what is this?
-It's a paper weight... you know.
-Oh... OK.
-I figured you liked, uh... paper and uh, weighing things down..... like my hopes and dreams
- I think we should see other people.

#2 A Coupon Book
No way should anyone be giving these. Seriously, even if you're like, 5 years old. If I had a kid and he/she tried to pull off this shit, I'd stab them in the face.

#1 Jewelry made out of cutlery

I knew this guy, lets call him.. oh I don't know, Tyrone. Well Tyrone was out one afternoon in the new city that he had just moved to. He didn't know anyone and he decided to go for a few beers at a nice outdoor patio thingy. Any-hoodles, afterwards, he was a little tipsy and decided to buy his lady friend something nice from one of the outdoor street vendors. God knows why he chose a fork bracelet but later on, a more sober Tyrone, seriously questioned his purchase. He ended up hiding the bracelet for years without mentioning it to his lady, Flange.He found it at the bottom of a box, years later and I.. I mean he still has no idea what made him buy it. Lesson learned.

The Best:

#5 Classic childrens books
Whether it's for nostalgic reasons, the amazing artwork or just trying to introduce someone to a classic story, you can't go wrong with titles like "Where the Wild Things Are", "The Hockey Sweater", "In The Night Kitchen" or "There's A Nightmare In My Closet". And if you can find a now out of print copy of "Nicobobinus" by Terry Jones of Monty Python fame, then consider whoever you're getting it for to be one luck SOB.

#4 Log Pillows
Yeah, I know, my lady friend makes these. So what?! They're awesome. Perfect for taking on the plane or road trip.

#3 Jeffrey Brown books
I always recommend books by Jeffrey Brown. Everyone can relate to these short little anecdotes about puppy love, harmless crushes and being dumped.

#2 Artwork
It's Probably Worth More Than That!" our 4th annual group exhibit showcasing artwork for $100 and under is still running. New works by Aya Kakeda, Daniel Lim, Rupert Bottenberg, Michelle Sayer, Benjamin Deshaies and many more. It's better than giving someone a bottle of Dep wine, am I right folks?

#1 HQ Gift Certificate
Well, I guess you'll be telling the person "I really don't know you that well but at least you can get something you'll like". So what? What else are you going to do? Give them an envelope with money in it? What are you, their Grandma?

Hope that helped. It's a weird coincidence that all the best ideas are from HQ. Strange.

I love you,



AngieMontreal said...

I'd just like to clarify that Tyson actually got me a fork ARM CUFF...not a bracelet. Which makes it way more funny in my opinion. I pretty much still tease him about it every day, and yet I still agreed to marry him. Weird.

Kimberly said...

I literally laughed out loud reading this... thanks!!

B. Deshaies said...

Tyrone and Flange !

elaine h. said...

did the cuff look like this?

Sarah McNeil said...

I think I might need some log pillows... or real logs. Either might look nice in my house.

christmas gift ideas said...

The Jigsaw puzzle and paper weight made me laugh! But yeah, the log pillows are perfect.