Tyson (me) running into IGA and up to the teller: " huff.... puff..... HI, I think I left my wallet here a few minutes ago, did you happen to see it?!"
Teller: "Yes, I found it and gave it to the information desk, you can pick it up there."
Me: "Oh thank God! Thank you, kind sir"
I walk over to the information desk and ask several people if they had my wallet. (Which had literally been dropped off there mere minutes before I had shown up). Each person I ask gives me a puzzled look and then shrugs their shoulders. When finally, a guy shows up who knows what I'm talking about.
Information Guy: Yes, I have your wallet but you'll have to show me some ID before I can give it to you.
Me: Uhhh yeah, well all my ID is in my wallet.
Information Guy: "Well, I'm sorry but I'll need to see some ID before I can hand over the wallet."
Me: "You have all my ID! It's in the wallet that you have in your hand!"
Information Guy: Yes, but I'll need to see a picture of you to prove that this is, your wallet."
We go through this whole Abbott and Costello-esque routine for a few minutes......
Me: (Starring slack jawed... silent for about a minute, trying to process what is going through this dumb shits head. Finally opting to just point repeatedly at my wallet in his hand).
He finally opens it and looks at my drivers liscence which has a picture that amazingly, looks JUST LIKE ME on it.
Information Guy: Oh, so it is yours. Here you go. (Handing it over)
I walk back to the shop, dumbfounded on what had just happened. So, this is where we're at, huh? As I wait for the light to change, to cross the street, I wonder how much it would hurt if I just jumped in front of the oncoming traffic. It couldn't be any more painful than the exchange that just took place, which seems to be the kind of thing that happens a little too much these days.
But, as you can see, by reading this post, that I did not throw myself at the mercy of our fine. Montreal auto mobile jockeys. No, I opted on coming into work and letting you all know that we just got our Fall Brixton Hats shipment in this afternoon! I know there are a bunch of you waiting on these (me being one of them), so I am happy to tell you, the wait is over!
I am also happy to tell you that I have also opted out on having kids and adding to the ever growing population of dumb people. And let's face it, if I had kids, I'm sure they would be drooling idiots. So, to ensure that I wont pollute the gene pool, I've been slowly sterilizing myself over the last few years. You know, wearing briefs, standing in front of the microwave (at groin level), drinking plutonium, the usual.
But, at least until I die, I will share these really lame Sienfeld-like (oh God, I'm not that bad am I?) stories because I will have no offspring to share it with in my golden years. Kind of a rough trade off, huh?
The Gain (In pecan colour)
........Seriously. We're dead meat.