Sunday, March 19, 2006

Getting to know... James Kerr

Ohh, my head still aches. If you've never had the pleasure of waking up after a chloroform induced coma count yourself extremely lucky. Maybe if you went on a month long Tequila, poutine and Dritan bender you may have a slight idea of what I'm talking about. But let me back up a little and explain.....

It all started a couple of days ago. Angie was out of town and I had been bugging some of our artists for their bios, so we could add them to our blog for your enjoyment. James Kerr had sent me these ridiculous, self indulgant, "bios" based on super heroic, fictional accounts of his former life as a vigilante in the mean streets of Gotham. Or his term in "The Nam", where he earned his 1st (of numerous) Purple Heart. Of course, I rejected these and the many others that clogged my hotmail account.

1 a.m., Friday night I hear something outside my bedroom door. I get up and walk into the halway..... nothing there. I turn around and begin to make my way back to my bed and I trip over something large and heavy. It's my dog. He doesnt budge. I fall to my knees, banging my head on the dresser, cursing the whole way. Thats when I realize, my dog, Spidey, is not moving. He's either dead or drugged. At that moment I'm being grabbed from behind. One hand with a rag, soaked in something that smells like Turpentine, covers my face and my world goes black.

I wake up several days later. My pants are unbuckled and my head is pounding. My dog is now awake but unfortunately, my house has been his toilet for the last 2 days. I also notice my computer is on and the following text is on the screen:

Introducing (Ferrari) James (Scorpion Dagger) Kerr:

The Headquarters crew have totally been in love with this sauve intellect
for a couple of years now. We met Ferrari Scorpion Dagger at the opening
of his "Art: in the key of midnight" show in New York City, where he blew
our minds a thousand times over. Not only is Ferrari Scorpion Dagger a
talented artist, he's also a international sex symbol. Enough words, let's
let his art do the talking.
Warning: you might experience orgasm.


I will never know what James did to me while I was unconcious and I find comfort in knowing that. Out of fear for the safety of my self and the ones I love, I am going to leave this post up. If you see him on the street or in a dark alley, run for your life!

If you want to learn more about James Kerr check out:


James. said...

Where are the baby pics I sent you?

tohn jravolta said...

More like dead baby pics...
busted Ferrari Scorpion Dagger! you are SO busted.

Momunit said...

My work as a citizen against modern day sex dungeons has lead me to James Kerr. Stepping lightly through the Kerr abyss, as to not disrupt potential evidence I had noticed some weird psychotic message driven collages. Are these mere visual rantings of a sociopath on the brink, or the fair warnings of the self proclaimed reincarnation of Nostradamus?

Ferrari said...

Jravolta & Momunit, I sent HQ a nice little pic of babies dressed up like food (pizza, mustard, and a hot dog). It was cute, and the babies weren't harmed. I'm over the violence. Trust me. Oh ya, I am Nostradamus, mom. Believe it.